5 Warnings Signs that Your Teen is Depressed

Several years ago I received a phone call from my married daughter.  She was sobbing and saying, "Josh is dead."  Josh was the name of her 15-year-old brother-in-law.  But it was also the name of her husband's 15 year-old cousin.  Cousin Josh shot himself to death while his family was at church.  His 12-year-old sister is the one that found him when they returned home from church.  Such a tragedy.  Such a loss. Such a beautiful young man.  

I didn't know Josh well.  But recently saw his picture again on his Facebook memorial page.  He was so young.  Looking back now you can see just how young.  Again I cried.                

The teen years are the most difficult.  Teens are at a crossroad.  They don't want to be classified as children, but they don't have the freedom of adults.  Because of normal teen behaviors, it may be difficult to tell if your child is going through a phrase or is in need of help.

It is estimated that 1 in 5 teens suffer from some form of depression or anxiety. Those statistics are on the rise as today teen's battle with social media and online pornography.   

Depression goes deeper than just having a moody teen for a day or two.  

Depression can destroy the essence of your teen’s personality, causing an overwhelming sense of sadness, despair, or anger. Many unhealthy rebellion or behaviors in your teen may be a cry for help.  Here are some "red" flag signs to watch out for:

10 Signs Your Teen is Depressed:

Teenagers may exhibit different symptoms than younger children or adults. Signs that may indicate depression include:

• Lack of interest in regular social activities
• Sudden bursts of anger coupled with irritability
• Negative thinking
• Extreme sensitivity to criticism
• Sulking
• Feeling misunderstood
• A drop in school grades, attendance or not doing homework
• High-risk behaviors, such as shoplifting or reckless driving
• A change in sleeping patterns or trouble sleeping
• A change in eating habits, such as eating more or less than usual

In the TED Talk below, listen as this young woman talks about teen depression and what it feels like.  She talks about the misconceptions of depression and how society is to blame.

“My heart reaches out to our youth, who in many cases must walk a very lonely road. … I hope they can share their burden with you, their fathers and mothers. I hope that you will listen, that you will be patient and understanding, that you will draw them to you and comfort and sustain them in their loneliness. Pray for direction. Pray for patience. Pray for the strength to love. … Pray for understanding and kindness and, above all, for wisdom and inspiration.”
President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Great Shall Be the Peace of Thy Children,” Ensign, Nov. 2000, 51.

In the video link, Elder Rendlund said that is perfectly okay and perfectly safe to ask someone if they are having suicidal thoughts.  If they pause or have to think about it, or say "maybe," that should be a red flag that they are in need of help.  This is beyond that they need to read the scriptures or pray more.  They need clinical help right away.  The best thing is that you are willing to cry with them and sit there with them and listen to them.  

Suicide warning signs to watch for

• Talking or joking about committing suicide
• Saying things like, “I’d be better off dead,” “I wish I could disappear forever,” or “There’s no way out”
• Speaking positively about death or romanticizing dying (“If I died, people might love me more”)
• Writing stories and poems about death, dying, or suicide
• Engaging in reckless behavior or having a lot of accidents resulting in injury
• Giving away prized possessions
• Saying goodbye to friends and family as if for the last time
• Seeking out weapons, pills, or other ways to kill themselves

In an April 2020 article of the Ensign, there is a timely article on helping teens cope with stress.  Today, during a worldwide pandemic, youth are under a tremendous amount of stress and disappointment.  Proms and graduations that they have been looking forward to since their freshman year in high school have been canceled.  Online learning is challenging.  Missing the social aspect of going to school is gone.  Below are some ways that the article states can help teens copes with the stress they now face.  The article emphasis that these points are a start at helping to reduce stress and anxiety.  Nothing replaces the need to seek medical help if that is needed.  

1.  Family Meals

One of the most important things parents can do for the mental health of their children is to regularly sit down together for family meals. It doesn’t have to be fancy or homemade (take-out pizza totally works!). Research has shown that eating together as a family reduces high-risk teen behaviors such as alcohol and tobacco use, eating disorders, and sexual activity. Family meals are also linked to better moods, more service-oriented behaviors, and higher life satisfaction—irrespective of family circumstances.¹

“It’s important to note that the ‘secret sauce’ that drives these cognitive and behavioral benefits is not the food itself, but the warm and inviting atmosphere at the table,” said family therapist Anne Fishel. “If there’s a lot of conflict and yelling at the table, these benefits are essentially null and void.”

2. Talk Time

An article that tells us that more than a quarter of teens report symptoms of stress—such as negative thoughts and disrupted sleeping habits—also points out that communication can help alleviate these problems. This aligns with what our Church leaders have encouraged us to do. Sister Joy D. Jones, Primary General President, has said:

“Minor troubles talked about in a loving way create a foundation of a healthy response so that when big troubles come, communication is still open. …

“Parents, we must start the conversation and not wait for children to come to us

Here are some talk-time suggestions:

• Spend one-on-one time with your teen.

• Avoid making speeches to try and “improve” your child.

• Really listen to what they say.

• Try to understand their perspective.

• Share positive thoughts or feelings.

And don’t shy away from the tough topics, like depression. Have an honest discussion about what depression feels like, some of its causes, and ways to deal with it. Talking together before teens experience changing emotions firsthand can equip them to better deal with whatever happens as they grow up. (For help talking with teens and children about sensitive topics, see articles in the Ensign series “How Do I Talk to My Kids about … ?” The February article addressed mental health, and future installments will look at disabilities, family members with different beliefs, and safe media use.)

3. Family Traditions

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” states that “wholesome recreational activities” are an important part of successful family life. One example of these activities is family traditions and rituals. Experts indicate that they “are reassuring for children and teens, and can be especially comforting during stressful times.” Examples could be holiday activities, seasonal trips or vacations, or weekly family nights. As already mentioned, daily rituals like regular meals together make a big difference.

4. Belief in God

The scriptures repeatedly implore parents to teach their children about God. “And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children” (3 Nephi 22:13; Isaiah 54:13). But did you know that believing in God and praying can actually help reduce stress and block anxiety in teens? One study found that the brains of people who had faith in God reacted differently to anxiety-producing events. What can you do to help your teen draw closer to God? How can you model trusting in Him with your shortcomings or when challenges occur?

5. Social Media Limits

Social media is a blessing in some ways. It can help teens form social connections and develop technical skills. But social media also introduces risks, including cyberbullying, privacy problems, sexting, internet addiction, and sleep deprivation. There’s even a growing trend that researchers call “Facebook depression,” referring to a correlation between time spent on social media and symptoms of depression.

Work with your teens to create boundaries for social media use. In 2018, President Russel M. Nelson’s call for a social media fast inspired many young participants. One person noticed results right away: “It was almost immediately! It was amazing to me how much happier I was and how well things were going at home.” Another participant said: “It was absolutely challenging yet fulfilling! … As the days passed, I came to realize how much time I spend on scrolling and reading stuff that did not help me at all.” If your child took part in President Nelson’s challenge, ask them about their experience. You could use this as a starting point for discussing boundaries that would work for your family.

6. Healthy Habits

If you look at the list of ideas for minimizing stress from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, you’ll quickly notice that several of them have to do with physical health. Exercising regularly and healthy eating—including avoiding illegal drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or too much caffeine—can make a difference. The list also recommends trying relaxation exercises, such as deep breathing techniques, and taking a break from stressful situations when you can. According to this same source, uplifting activities like listening to music, talking to a friend, drawing, writing, or spending time with a pet can all reduce stress. These suggestions are a good reminder that both “the spirit and the body” work together to make up the soul of a person (Doctrine and Covenants 88:15).